why i gained 30 pounds

Why I gained 30 pounds and am starting to be happy for it…

1—no one should lose 30 pounds by telling herself that he wouldn’t have left if she weren’t so fat

2—ass moves mass and lifting weights is fun

3—soda (beer) and a burger after a hike are worth not being Muscle and Fitness cover-worthy

4—working out 6 hours a day is not okay

5—your hip bones shouldn’t have bruises from lying down

6—cleaning the vomit off your toilet after a binge really hits home

7—I AM ENOUGH no matter how you quantify me

8—fight, flight, or freeze modes are no way to live 24/7

9—doing yoga in a 100 degree room wearing booty shorts and hating yourself is ridiculous

10—everyone should eat a whole pizza in their lifetime

11—counting calories is BORRRRRRRING and sometimes obsessive

12—now I don’t have to post every workout

13—relationships are more important than the gym

14—cheese is just too damn good

15—measuring your worth through the concave shape of your tummy ain’t no way to live

16—I don’t ever want to see my backbone jutting out of my back again

17—I am not a greyhound, I am a big hipped Jen and seeing my ribs means I’m not eating

18—researching laxatives feels really dirty

19—feeling pain in my chest when I see the girl at the rec center with ankle weights on the bike for 2 hours

20—identifying with other random people with exercise and eating disorders because we have been at the gym for 3 hours…we see each other and know our shame

21—NOT EVERYONE WHO DOES YOGA IS SKINNY

22—I can’t run away, to, or around my problems, especially on a treadmill

23—I am not an Olympic athlete and don’t have the sponsorships or support to train like one

24—because I’m just so darn counter-culture

25—sugar cookies

26—I shouldn’t have to decline invitations to restaurants because I know I will throw up my dinner

27—guys don’t really notice who’s skinny and not—they notice when you love yourself

28—to spend a day being in every moment without worrying about poundage

29—to stop telling myself that I’m more happy when I’m not healthy

30—I AM DIVINE. So are you. Love yourself just how you are.

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This entry was posted in Anorexia, Asana, Body Image, Bulimia, character study, depression, Existentialism, Expansion, Fear, Health Issues, Laramie, Mental Health, Mindfulness, mountains, PTSD, Self Growth, Self Love, Self Reflection, Trailrunning, Universiality, Wyoming, Yoga and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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